[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
I'm finally heading the
way I'm supposed to,
and somebody's gone and stacked
up a wall of concrete dividers for me.
I've gone down every other passage here.
There hasn't even been a locked door.
Just a straight-up dead end.
Christ, they double-stacked it.
But that kind of defeats the
purpose of killing everybody.
That's why I did it, so I could
have a smooth ride out of here.
I deserve business-class!
Screw this, I'm just going to ram it.
It won't accomplish anything,
but it should derail the train
and that'll look cool.
This reminds me of back in high school
when we had a driver's ed class
and the gym teacher was asking
us which was more dangerous:
Crashing a motorcycle at
60 miles-per-hour into a haystack,
or crashing a motorcycle at
60 miles-per-hour into a concrete divider.
He got mad and started yelling
at the class when no one answered.
Okay, time to end my
tram-operating career.
If I was a conductor, this is
how I would want to retire.
Just jump off and let it speed
away with everyone on board.
That should've stopped a dump truck!
I don't understand anything today.
Maybe they were made out of Styrofoam
and just painted to look like concrete.
Somebody was just trying to psyche me
out so I wouldn't go this way.
I made it through anyway!
Actually, I guess I'm not, because I
really did think it was concrete.
But, nobody was around to see me
get confused, so I'm still a genius.
GUARD: Freeman, I've
been waiting for you.
GUARD: One of your scientist
pals said to give you a message.
GUARD: You're supposed to
take this old rail system
GUARD: up to some kind of
satellite delivery rocket.
GUARD: I don't know where it is exactly,
GUARD: and the old guy was so
worried about getting out of here alive
GUARD: he didn't tell me.
GUARD: Main thing is: the
military aborted the launch.
GUARD: So, when you do find the rocket,
GUARD: you'll have to get up to the
control room and launch it yourself.
GUARD: He said something about a Lambda Team
No, listen, that's not my job!
GUARD: needing the satellite in orbit
No! Shut up!
GUARD: if they were ever gonna
clean up this mess.
Look, you have the
wrong person, all right?
A lot of the scientists here are senile.
They probably said my name or were
thinking about somebody else.
Well, whatever. Thanks for
stopping the tram car, I guess.
I'm not sure how you did that.
Oh, and there's no exit behind me,
so you're going to die
down here if you don't leave.
God dammit! I did it again!
Can't have the bloodmobile stop now.
God, I am just covered in blood again.
It's too bad I can't duck my
head inside my suit like a turtle.
Then I could just ride by
covered in blood with no head
and people would have to
make up stories about me.
Whoa! What's that electrical arc there?
Okay, I'm going to go slowly.
Ah-ah! There it is again.
I'd better pick up the pace.
Electric mystery bolts of death
are...not...my thing.
Thank goodness I'm wearing a metal suit.
[strange yowling noise]
What's that noise?
[strange yowling noise]
What?
All right, I'm not an expert in the field,
but that sounds to me like the
cries of the damned.
I'm not where I should be.
I'm going to come across a bunch
of dudes in robes chanting,
making some sort of
sacrifice with daggers.
Then I'm going to have to fight their
summoned demons or whatever.
Hey, maybe that's the--PLAH!
Maybe that's what I've been
dealing with today.
What I've been calling aliens
are really demons.
Not that they can't be both.
Like how every square is a
rectangle but not vice versa.
Hey, are those boards
blocking the track?
[rumbling]
Oh! That's a good sign.
Is this thing going to collapse
if I move forward?
Knowing our engineering, this is
made out of balsa wood.
Oh, that's good.
Playing Jenga with my life.
Well, the tunnel hasn't
collapsed yet.
I don't understand how that got
built in the first place.
Why would anyone build a wooden platform
right across the tracks like that?
Maybe some bum has been living down here
and the trains don't get used much,
so he was building his house there.
He was probably planning to jack
the track's current for his own house,
use the water below as a sewer,
and maybe tap into some of the pipes.
I don't think I'd have the guts to build
my house in the middle of a train track.
I hope the bum doesn't stalk me
because I played the big, bad wolf
and ran a train through his house.
Aliens who can't shoot back!
[houndeyes chirp]
I'm going to take my time here.
I think that's all of them.
So, are these demons or just aliens?
If they're demons, I could fool them.
I could duck my head inside my suit
to pull off the headless rider act.
I'm already covered in blood.
They would see me pass and
wouldn't think anything of it.
[bullsquid grunting]
Hey, is this the right--AAH!
[turret beeping]
Oh, I know that sound!
[turret beeping]
Christ, the fun just
[turret beeping]
doesn't end around here, does it?
[turret beeping]
Bomb shelter parties are the best parties
[turret beeping]
because bomb shelter parties don't stop.
[turret beeping]
Until everyone's dead.
[turret beeping]
There it is.
[turret beeping]
This really isn't worth my time.
[turret beeping]
Stupid sentry gun.
They need to learn I'm their master.
I'm not going to be around
to kill them forever.
Okay, what's the deal with this
hook thing blocking the track?
This looks heavy.
I don't want to move it.
I'm sick of all this manual labor!
I am practically royalty!
I shouldn't have to stand for this.
Maybe I could take it on foot.
This train's only saved me about
five minutes of walking anyway.
I'll just go along the ledge--
no, I don't think I want to go this way.
I'll come back once I'm
convinced this is the right way.
I'm not convinced of that at all.
There, it clicked. I must've fixed it.
I have to fix everything
in this damned building.
See, this is what we need slaves for.
I think we really screwed up the
handling of that as a nation.
We were only enslaving black people.
That's stupid.
That's redneck reasoning.
We should've just freed the existing
slaves, wiped the slate clean,
and grabbed new slaves
from a larger pool.
Like, if you play the lottery.
You can win a million dollars,
or you can become a slave for
life if you pick the wrong number.
That's a better risk vs. reward balance.
I mean, what the hell
kind of risk is a $1 ticket?
Do the same thing for voting,
getting a driver's license--
have a new system where every society
member has a small risk to become a slave,
Yeah, I'm kidding, of course.
I have serious doubts that you
bastards can even be domesticated.
My soccer ball game was
a much better idea.
Okay, anyone else have a surprise for me?
[strange yowling noise]
Ah.
Okay, yeah, that either sounds
like a really exotic bird,
or else damned souls crying out to be
released from their never-ending agony.
I can't think of any other options.
Wow, I guess it should've occurred to me
that there's a reason this room
is full of dead bodies.
Hm. I don't have a bandolier.
Maybe I should make a necklace
out of the extra clips.
I bet I'm one of the few people
who has need of a bandolier.
[headcrab squeals, HECU groans]
Yeah, I don't think this is the right way.
And you look busy, I'll leave
you to your work.
Yeah, see, it sounds like you
have everything under control.
I mean, if they don't kill you,
then I have to shoot you myself,
and that's just more work for me.
You know what the ridiculous
thing about all of this--
The ridiculous thing is--hey, a switch.
...is not only did he choose
this line of work,
but he's probably getting paid
pretty well for this, with hazard pay.
Meanwhile, I'm caught in the middle of
this and I'm not getting paid anything.
I'm basically doing volunteer
work right now.
These are community service hours.
See, I don't want to be here,
but somebody has to kill everything.
I am not getting used to this.
I've gotta get out of here.
This is like a repeat of when I
worked in fast food that summer.
Well, I guess this
part's a little different.
I mean, we would joke about
mystery meat, but look at this.
If I was a wizard,
this wouldn't be happening.